i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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