i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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