dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
