Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
