The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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