I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
