But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
