What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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