dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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