paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
