then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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