I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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