she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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