This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
