It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
