Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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