i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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