Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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