He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
