Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
