i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
