Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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