I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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