I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
