THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
