Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
