Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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