If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
