I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
