He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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