Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
