Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
