..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
