My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My bed smells like the plague
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
