It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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