every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
