I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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