If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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