no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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