Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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