TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
