You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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