Cold hands, warm shart.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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