He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
