i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
