when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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