we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
