OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
