i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
