Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
