google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
