do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
