what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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