True but thats because hes a fetus.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
