my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
