On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
