come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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