He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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