Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
