What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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