He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
