how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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