Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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