Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
