i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
two words: eviction party
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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