I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
