What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
