i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
