There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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