note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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