Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
