Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
