I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
