Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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